Christmas is a time we spend with friends and family, but I have to admit that since I clocked 25, I have always felt this apprehension for Christmases. It used to be nice having siblings around, but all that’s changed now. Extended family gatherings or anything close to it is nightmarish.
I think my parents, to an extent, understand my position in love matters and such a big move as marriage; so, there isn’t any real pressure about that, but they are not the family I’ve got, and if going home for Christmas meant spending it at my village? It’s traumatising: the endless stares at your hand, prodding, and bold questions about your sexuality, fertility, dating techniques and lifestyles; about the involvement of a spiritual force in your “malady”, with just about anybody having a piece of advice or solution to your “incapacity to clench the trophy.” It psyches me out!
It is double trouble if a family member is getting married!
I have come to realise over the years that the African society lacks empathy towards some things. These people don’t care! They make you look like the duck in a group of swans, as if you something is wrong with you, and you have blatantly refused to marry even the rightest of Mr.s Rights.
The world have changed and is still changing. People are becoming more unwilling to commit to something long term—the rules have changed! There is no guarantee that anything a woman does will fetch the ring faster.
So, I have advised myself thus: to stay indoors, and away from public eyes if I must visit my village. 2020 has been such a year, and I deserve to spend it’s end in the midst of love and warmth, not some toxicity.
Besides, 2021 is such an important year for me; I don’t want to begin it with some negative energy.