WACO, TX — The months-long drought in southern Texas has ended after local woman Stacy Ramage emptied all the water bottles from her nightstand into the water supply.
“We’re saved!” said Mayor Tim O’Leary at a celebratory press conference. “Every living creature in south Texas owes Mrs. Ramage a great debt of gratitude. The water ration is over, the lake is up thirty feet, and the rivers are almost overflowing. It’s a miracle!”
As farms began to fail and the town considered rationing drinking water, it was Mr. Ramage who finally suggested to his wife that she consider dumping out the water on her nightstand. “Babe…I think it’s time,” said Mr. Ramage as he surveyed the graveyard of bottles, each still three-quarters full. “I know it’s like some sort of security thing for you to have a new bottle each night. But there are literally animals dying of thirst at this point! It’s time to let go.”
After several deep sighs, Mrs. Ramage agreed and began pouring out the bottles one by one. “I’ve never seen anything like it in my life,” said local weatherman Dave Oliver. “I go to bed in one of the worst droughts of the past century, and the next day it’s over. The grass is green again, the farms are saved – I can’t fathom how many water bottles that woman had on her nightstand.”
At publishing time, activists warned that the sea levels in the Gulf of Mexico had suddenly risen, probably due to climate change.
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