HELL — A spokesperson for Hell has rejected Biden’s claim that the US economy is “strong as hell.” Jay Rogers, Press Secretary for Satan, strongly criticized Biden’s comparison of the US economy’s strength to the underworld.
“This statement by Biden is highly irresponsible,” said Rogers, speaking from a flaming podium. “The US economy is in shambles. Core inflation is up the highest it’s been in decades, real estate prices are tumbling, and the stock market is in free fall,” he continued. “In fact, all asset prices are dropping. Have you seen the crypto market lately?” Rogers said.
Many in Hell also took umbrage at Biden’s statement. At a bar in South Hell, one of Hell’s more posh neighborhoods, several residents watched Biden’s statements live and had strong negative reactions to the comments. Lenin, Stalin, and Jeffrey Dahmer in particular appeared to find the comments misleading. “How can Biden say that?” said Lenin. “We’ve got jobs down here. We’ve had forty straight quarters of GDP growth.
Hell has witnessed a surge in economic productivity over the past few decades. Experts believe this productivity is due to population growth as secularism sweeps the Earth, leading people towards godlessness.
Not all of hell’s residents were upset with Biden. “It was clearly a figure of speech,” said Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, who has grown particularly close to Satan in recent years. “We think that Biden guy will fit right in when he gets here.”
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